A Slice of My Life
14 years ago
August 25, 2008
Dear Diary,
You just never know when the other shoe is going to drop. After Sestan totally blew me away with the necklace, I thought maybe, I could start to breathe normally. And naively, that in this place, we’d stop the careful circles and discover that we could just “be” – and that we’d start to be more open with each other. And maybe, we could talk about settling down and live our relationship – which is great, but more like other normal couples. We’ve been doing this for over five years now. We never really fight, Sestan and I. Maybe, that’s the problem. Our time together is so fragmented, that we both know it would be a vainglorious waste of time to spend it squabbling or going to those “places” neither one of us really wants to talk about. I know, I’m as bad as he is about letting him in sometimes, but honestly, he seems to have all the advantages. I mean, let’s face it – most of the time, he knows where I am. And when he doesn’t – he always seems to find out. Is there ever really a level playing field?
So, here’s how it happened. We got up the next morning and packed up our gear and some sandwiches that Leemoni prepared. Sestan really wanted to see the waterfall and I couldn’t wait to show it to him. Plus, I wanted to get some more photos. I tied on a bandana and pulled on my camo’s – (I know – I love to play “the part” – Besides, Sestan thinks my GI-Jane look is sexy~~~)
He insisted on driving, which was fine with me. The day before I was so focused on not going jeep-surfing off the mountainside that I didn’t really get to see everything. The rainforest is just indescribable. We saw so many tropical birds – everywhere!
It was so dense and lush. We we world's away from civilization.
We stopped a few times to take it all in, but Sestan didn’t want to venture too far into the jungle. “Snakes live here too,” he reminded me. I didn’t need too much convincing after that.
We got to the waterfall in about two and a half hours (because we stopped so many times), but there was still the whole day ahead of us. I actually had Sestan all to myself for the whole day – yayyyyy !! We parked the jeep not far from where I had discovered the waterfall the day before. We would have to hike in. It wasn’t too long before we could feel the mist from the waterfall – and hear the roaring waters, even before we saw it. A few minutes later, Pushing through the vines and trees – we finally emerged on a bank where we could see it thundering down the cliffs – about 60 yards from where we stood - awestruck and silent.
I started clicking away with my camera. We decided to try and find our way down to the bottom – if we followed the bank, it couldn’t be too hard.
Sestan led the way. Good thing we wore our hiking boots. I kept thinking about the snakes – (Thank you, Sestan.) Ironically, I hadn’t given them a single thought the day before! With considerable difficulty we headed down the bank. More than once, my foot got tangled in the dense overgrowth. The promise of a sparkling pool of water at the bottom of the falls where we could go for a swim kept me motivated to keep going. I had brought along a sexy bikini – but the last thing I felt right then – with sweat trickling down my face and the back of my shirt while swatting away pesky flies – was sexy. Talk about a post-card moment! But in the spirit of adventure, I decided to make the best of it and distracted myself watching the way Sestan’s muscles rippled across his back as he pushed through – trying to clear the way for me – my human compass… ”watch your step here – stay left”, he’d caution. “Wait a sec, “ and he’d hold up his hand, and consider the next tricky maneuver. It felt like we were Tarzan and Jane ~~~ (Ohhhhh, yeah Sestan would look great wearing nothing but a loin cloth!)
Glancing back at me, he asked, “What are you grinning about back there?”
Coyly, - (Well he DID ask) “Do a Tarzan yell for me,” I said.
“Ah.”
“No -- Come on! Do a REAL Tarzan yell.”
“So you dragged me all the way up to this waterfall so you could live out one of your fantasies, huh?”
I stopped like a mule. “Just Do it!”
He looked around as if I’d asked him to recite the Gettysburg address in front of the class.
“WHO is going to hear you Sestan??” The birds and the Big Bad Snakes?”
He paused … took a deep breath and then split the air with a scream … “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh – aaaaa ----- ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
I clapped – and spun in circles laughing. “That was greatttttttttttttt!!!!” I couldn’t stop laughing. “Again!!!” I begged.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa ---- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA- Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-- EEEEE- Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!” this time beating his chest for good measure.
I literally fell down laughing. I had to sit and catch my breath. I squinted up at Sestan who was the one now grinning in self-satisfaction, that he had so pleased his audience. He stood over me and I saw a look I so well recognize, crossing his face. He put one hand seductively over his belt buckle … slowly starting to slide the leather from the clasp.
“Um, Sestan …. “
Suddenly – he lunged forward – toward me – with such force – it was like some violent attack -- I started to yelp – but he flung his body over and then to the side of me in some insane body roll that my mind couldn’t quite comprehend.
That’s when I first saw it. A huge leathery monster of a creature – was now rolling and twisting Sestan like he was a rag doll. A crocodile!! Oh my god!!!!!
I scrambled in a forward tumble on hands and knees towards the backpack which he had set on the ground while he played tarzan – and with hands shaking harder than I ever remembered – tried to steady them, frantically clawing at the zippers. Somewhere, there was a knife. Sestan always packed a knife and first aid supplies – “just in case.”
I finally saw the handle protruding from its sheath – and tugged…. It came free – contents spilling everywhere.
“Here, the knife!!!” I screamed. And threw the knife towards the writhing twosome on the ground. I completely freaked when I saw blood. Sestan’s bloodied hand groped and found the knife – cords in his neck straining to keep his head clear of the lashing teeth of the crocodile. It all happened so fast. And then – more flailing --- arms, legs… the gruesome leather reptile. I was horrified. This couldn’t be real! I watched – unable to make another sound – while Sestan slashed again and again, trying desperately to hit a soft spot of on the underbelly of the beast that was doing its best to kill him.
And then – he must have injured it with the knife – because without warning, the croc pivoted in a violent semi-circle and propelled itself down the bank and towards the water. Sestan was trying to get up – but he couldn’t. He fell back in pain. “No! Don’t move! Don’t move!” I said, rushing over to him.
“The backpack” – he gasped. “Hurry.”
I obeyed. Dragged it over and crouched over him – pulling out the first aid kit. “Oh my god -- where are you hurt?!!?” He was bleeding everywhere. I pulled at his clothes, trying to find the source of the bleeding and saw a horrible deep gash on his side – and another on his leg.
“Better go get some help.” His whole body was bent at a weird angle. I could see he was going to pass out.
“I’m not leaving you here! That thing might come back!”
“I can’t walk, Isabelle. And if I try, it’s only going to cause more bleeding. Please. You have to go get some help. You have to.” It wasn’t a request.
“Cell phone.” He was struggling to stay conscious. His breathing was weird. “There’s a cell phone in the jeep….” I was on my feet – and scrambling away.
“God, don’t let him die,” I prayed. If he dies, I’ll die too….” I was terrified and sobbing uncontrollably, but I knew he was right. I had to get help. I was running. Slipping. Running some more. It was like a bad dream. Back at the jeep – I found our cell phones. Naturally, neither worked. Damn!
I drove down the trai pell-mell, dialing and re-dialing my cell phone. Please, please, please…. Should I stop and try to text someone??? But Who??? Keep driving I told myself… picturing Sestan back there by the edge of that embankment bleeding and alone – and that crocdile still alive someplace. About thirty minutes later, I saw an all terrain vehicle on the trail – headed in my direction.
“Help --- I need help!!!!!” I yelled as I pulled along side them. Words blubbered out … ‘my boyfriend’s been attacked by a crocodile and was severely injured up by the falls! They didn’t hesitate and turned around and headed back down to go call for help. I waited right there on the trail - an hour – two? It seemed like eternity. How long would it take? If I went back up to Sestan, how would they ever find us? You can lose your mind waiting like that. The minutes – hours ticked by. Suddenly, I heard motors coming. Four jeeps – two marked like local rescue vehicles appeared. When we found our way back to Sestan, he was miraculously breathing, still alive they said, but not responding well. He had tried to tie a tourniquet around himself, before he’d lost consciousness - but had lost a lot of blood. “We’ve called for a rescue helicopter,” an officer who introduced himself as Ronaldo said. They will need to find a place where we can airlift him to a hospital.
I stayed with Sestan at the hospital for the past two days. It looks like he will be in there for at least another week – more likely two. The doctors say he was very lucky. No vital organs were severed, but major tendons were shredded in his leg. They sutured the gash in his side - but it’s the loss of blood they’re worried about. And risk of infection. They’re flooding him with antibiotics to fight infection, but he’ll need a lot of rest. today, I came back to the villa to shower and try to sleep awhile before going back. I can’t close my eyes without seeing that crocodile. I shudder and tuck my feet tightly under the blankets – even though it’s hot. My dreams are fitful. I just want Sestan to be ok. God, if you can hear me, let him be okay. - Isa B.
Dear Diary, August 20, 2008
I know I haven’t written in a few weeks. I’m so glad I brought you with me, because I have so much to tell you, Not the least of which is, Until last night, I thought "drinking champagne with diamonds in the glass" - were only lyrics to a great song.
It’s late afternoon here in Montego Bayand the air is so close and hot that scribbling in my diary is the only thing I think I can manage right now. I’m still drowsy. The stillness, save for the drone of the lazy paddle fan drawing slow circles above the bed, woke me up. I had hoped to nap my way through the heat.
It looks like the shadows are getting longer in the courtyard below. But Nothing and no one moving. Except for one lone butterfly - restless like me ... ? is busying herself browsing the climbs of bougainvilla. she looks like me when I’m shopping for shoes!
Okay, I’m reviving a little having just imbibed some elegant and refreshing drink from the carafe Leemoni brought up. Leemoni said it’s water (Leemoni pronounces it, “wah-tah”) laced with essence of elderflowers. It’s lovely! As I observe the condensation drooling down the sides of the carafe, Ive decided this latest treat is yet one more reason to fall in love with this place. When I asked Leemoni where Sestan has gone, I was informed my “host” won’t return for a few more hours. What? “My host?” Has he been here before? Her expression is inscrutable. So, (sigh) I let it drop. These curiosities are so familiar by now. But I don’t think I’ll ever completely get used to it ~~~ (Where does he go??) Sestan prefers I don’t ask. So I don’t.
I think I’ll ask If I can borrow the jeep and head up into the hills. On the plane on the way over, I was browsing a travel brochure. It said there are winding trails that serve as makeshift roads that will take you to the top of the mountains, but somewhere up there, above the canopy of the rain forest, there’s supposed to be a majestic waterfall and an amazing view of Montego Bay that’s worth the treachery to get there! Can’t miss the photo op ! Oh, I’m dying to tell you about how Sestan and I first discovered this cove a month ago … But, will have to wait. I’m off to find the waterfall at the top of the world! - Isa B.
It’s so beautiful out here on the veranda. I just can’t get over the color of the skies here. They’re Positively azure! I’ve taken to wearing nothing but sarongs and flip flops. Oh, Believe me, I’ve stuffed more than a couple made by the locals into my luggage for when I get back home. Found a fabulous one for petra! This is one of my favorites.
So, as I was starting to tell you yesterday, about how a month ago, Sestan called. After not hearing from him for two weeks straight I was starting to make myself sick with worry. I was sure he was dead or lying in a coma somewhere. You know those maddening disappearing acts he does! He evaporates into the ether – and then suddenly pops up again. he said he was near Montego, on a “working weekend, ” and insisted I come join him – even if only for a few hours. So impractical and terribly last minute! I’m miserable to admit that even though I do everything possible to keep myself occupied, I miss him every minute we’re apart. So, “Miss independent” told Him I needed to think about it, and if I could make the necessary arrangements on such short notice, I’d call him when I got there. cooly hung up. Then frantically dialed Petra and told her if she could get me out of all my appointments, I’d bring her back something wonderful… Petra’s incredible. Five hours later, I was seated on a plane headed for Montego Bay and tropical heaven.
When I arrived at the hotel, Sestan wasn’t there. Up in my room, I found a note (how could he be so sure I would come?) telling me he would be there as soon as he could get free. I briefly considered how he’d like a stilettoed round-house delivered straight to his sternum when he got there. Instead, I shrugged, showered – and opted to find my way down to the main shopping drag. Pushing my way through the human thicket of shoppers and vendors pushing carts or hawking their wares from brightly colored stalls, I sampled fresh mango – they’re the size of a cantaloupes here! - Eventually, I found my way to a sidewalk café and languished over a spicy cold rum drink appropriately named “Sienna.” The waiter happily shared the recipe.
3/4 oz Captain Morgan® Original spiced rum
1/2 oz amaretto almond liqueur
2 oz orange juice1 oz ginger ale
I had just ordered my second one when a male voice – the kind that breathes “sexy,” spoke in a low tone, just behind my ear. “Promise me?”
I paused, my glass frozen mid air half way to my lips. “Promise me.” he said more urgently. He was even closer now. I felt his breath move my hair. I turned my head slightly in the direction of the voice.
“Pardon me?”
He didn’t answer. Instead, Without invitation, he picked up the chair opposite me and set it down next to mine. I stared into eyes that somehow failed to realize how invasive this was. Now that I could see him, I was even more disconcerted that his looks matched his voice. Perfectly. He was Impossibly good looking. Any man this good looking is well practiced - in, -- well, everything. and very unlikely to be alone. Surely, he had a companion somewhere nearby. I looked around. Then regarded him warily. Maybe if I ignored him, he would go away.
“Promise me,” he repeated.
“Promise me there is no husband, no boyfriend … ?”
“No, - no one.”
“No lover?”
“No.” I lied.
“What a fortunate tragedy.” he flashed a devastating smile. He was going to be hard to ignore. His eyes studied me thoughtfully. “Do you have a name?”
“Isabelle -- They call me Isabelle.” My throat felt like it was filled with cotton.
“Isa – belle.” He said it as if he were tasting fruit for the first time. My hormones jangled a familiar calling.
Two hours later, sufficiently weakened by the rum, the sea air (not to mention the spine-scorching heat between us), we were Back at the hotel. we peeled off one another’s clothes… There would be no sleeping tonight. “Sestan,” I whispered hungrily into his ear, “I’ve missed you …”
Somewhere, in the pre-dawn hours, sleep finally found us. We slept all the way through the next morning. Woke up and explored the “hard” possibilities of what we could do the rest of the day.Famished, we reluctantly abandoned our bedsheets to forage for food and then to go explore the secluded beaches and tide pools. We rented one of the all-terrain vehicles that dot the landscape and headed out of the city.
Thirty minutes later, we stopped and hiked our way down to a cove where the beach was as spotless and pristine as you can possibly imagine. The sand looked like sparkling talcum powder in the late afternoon sun. We walked along the water’s edge As the tide receded. The air was soft, turning a golden pinkish-orange. Suddenly, we spotted something Pink-ish reclining in the sand. Upon closer inspection I was thrilled to see it was a beautiful starfish! It waved its arms in feeble protest when sestan picked it up. “It’s a Pisaster brevinspinus,” he said. I look at him In surprise. Then smirked. “show off.” As far as I know, - which is enough – but never enough - he’s never studied oceanography. How does he always seem to know these things? He read my mind. “ I spent a lot of time here as a kid, - with my family,” he added. (Perhaps a little too quickly.) He abruptly turned his attention back to our newfound treasure.
“Do you know if you cut off a leg, they don’t die? The leg in fact can spawn an entirely new generation of starfish. They’re self propagating.” sestan. I secretly study his profile, his head bent over carefully examining the starfish’s hydraulics. I resist wanting to touch him -- Meaning Sestan, not the starfish. He might disappear again. God, I think to myself, what a gorgeous creature., But parts of him are Unknowable. Ever-enigmatic. Like the beautiful creature he holds in his hands. “Shall we keep him?“ I ask?
“No, Let’s put him back,” he said. “He’s too special to become an ornament on a mantle piece.” We placed him back in the sand, and the starfish’s pink arms curled in a grateful arch – “Look, he’s waving good-bye!” We sat and watched the sun drop into the horizon, while the ocean and the tide took him away. I held my breath thinking if I could stop breathing, maybe I could stop time too. - Isa B.
Dear Diary, August 22, 2008
So, at last, Sestan, I mean, my “ahem - host” returned around nine p.m.. He appeared on the veranda, where I was waiting, carrying a bottle tucked under one arm and two glasses. “I’m sorry I was gone so long,” he said. “Couldn’t be avoided.” He waggled the bottle slightly in my direction. “Prosecco?”
“Mmn, absolutely.”
I looked past him to the rooms beyond the veranda. A few candles flickered shadows on the walls in the darkened interior. All was quiet. The staff had all withdrawn to their bungalows. “Wait ‘til I show you where I went today” I said excitedly,” flipping open my laptop. “I got the most amazinggggg photos.”
Sestan came over with the two glasses and joined me at the table. I told him how I had taken the jeep and drove up the mountainside, stopping to take photos of the amazing foliage – so abundant and lush. “ I think I o.d.’d on oxygen up there!”
“You drove up there by yourself?” I felt a scolding coming on… “That could have been…” I clicked the slideshow button and said, “shhhh - watch.” the photos from my late afternoon trek through the rainforest morphed on and off the screen. The last four – I’d saved the best for last- were the waterfall – at least 300 feet at the crest, in all of its splendor and glory. “It was exhilarating,” I told Sestan. “Like a hidden world. Now that I know where it is – I’ll take you there – tomorrow?”
He nodded in approval at the photos. “Your work gets better all the time.” He knows it’s useless to scold me.
“Well, it helps when you have a subject like this… Its’ hard not to get a great shot.”
I had just ordered my second one when a male voice – the kind that breathes “sexy,” spoke in a low tone, just behind my ear. “Promise me?”
I paused, my glass frozen mid air half way to my lips. “Promise me.” he said more urgently. He was even closer now. I felt his breath move my hair. I turned my head slightly in the direction of the voice.
“Pardon me?”
He didn’t answer. Instead, Without invitation, he picked up the chair opposite me and set it down next to mine. I stared into eyes that somehow failed to realize how invasive this was. Now that I could see him, I was even more disconcerted that his looks matched his voice. Perfectly. He was Impossibly good looking. Any man this good looking is well practiced - in, -- well, everything. and very unlikely to be alone. Surely, he had a companion somewhere nearby. I looked around. Then regarded him warily. Maybe if I ignored him, he would go away.
“Promise me,” he repeated.
“Promise me there is no husband, no boyfriend … ?”
“No, - no one.”
“No lover?”
“No.” I lied.
“What a fortunate tragedy.” he flashed a devastating smile. He was going to be hard to ignore. His eyes studied me thoughtfully. “Do you have a name?”
“Isabelle -- They call me Isabelle.” My throat felt like it was filled with cotton.
“Isa – belle.” He said it as if he were tasting fruit for the first time. My hormones jangled a familiar calling.
Two hours later, sufficiently weakened by the rum, the sea air (not to mention the spine-scorching heat between us), we were Back at the hotel. we peeled off one another’s clothes… There would be no sleeping tonight. “Sestan,” I whispered hungrily into his ear, “I’ve missed you …”
Somewhere, in the pre-dawn hours, sleep finally found us. We slept all the way through the next morning. Woke up and explored the “hard” possibilities of what we could do the rest of the day.
Thirty minutes later, we stopped and hiked our way down to a cove where the beach was as spotless and pristine as you can possibly imagine. The sand looked like sparkling talcum powder in the late afternoon sun. We walked along the water’s edge As the tide receded. The air was soft, turning a golden pinkish-orange. Suddenly, we spotted something Pink-ish reclining in the sand. Upon closer inspection I was thrilled to see it was a beautiful starfish! It waved its arms in feeble protest when sestan picked it up. “It’s a Pisaster brevinspinus,” he said. I look at him In surprise. Then smirked. “show off.” As far as I know, - which is enough – but never enough - he’s never studied oceanography. How does he always seem to know these things? He read my mind. “ I spent a lot of time here as a kid, - with my family,” he added. (Perhaps a little too quickly.) He abruptly turned his attention back to our newfound treasure.
“Do you know if you cut off a leg, they don’t die? The leg in fact can spawn an entirely new generation of starfish. They’re self propagating.” sestan. I secretly study his profile, his head bent over carefully examining the starfish’s hydraulics. I resist wanting to touch him -- Meaning Sestan, not the starfish. He might disappear again. God, I think to myself, what a gorgeous creature., But parts of him are Unknowable. Ever-enigmatic. Like the beautiful creature he holds in his hands. “Shall we keep him?“ I ask?
“No, Let’s put him back,” he said. “He’s too special to become an ornament on a mantle piece.” We placed him back in the sand, and the starfish’s pink arms curled in a grateful arch – “Look, he’s waving good-bye!” We sat and watched the sun drop into the horizon, while the ocean and the tide took him away. I held my breath thinking if I could stop breathing, maybe I could stop time too. - Isa B.
Dear Diary, August 22, 2008
So, at last, Sestan, I mean, my “ahem - host” returned around nine p.m.. He appeared on the veranda, where I was waiting, carrying a bottle tucked under one arm and two glasses. “I’m sorry I was gone so long,” he said. “Couldn’t be avoided.” He waggled the bottle slightly in my direction. “Prosecco?”
“Mmn, absolutely.”
I looked past him to the rooms beyond the veranda. A few candles flickered shadows on the walls in the darkened interior. All was quiet. The staff had all withdrawn to their bungalows. “Wait ‘til I show you where I went today” I said excitedly,” flipping open my laptop. “I got the most amazinggggg photos.”
Sestan came over with the two glasses and joined me at the table. I told him how I had taken the jeep and drove up the mountainside, stopping to take photos of the amazing foliage – so abundant and lush. “ I think I o.d.’d on oxygen up there!”
“You drove up there by yourself?” I felt a scolding coming on… “That could have been…” I clicked the slideshow button and said, “shhhh - watch.” the photos from my late afternoon trek through the rainforest morphed on and off the screen. The last four – I’d saved the best for last- were the waterfall – at least 300 feet at the crest, in all of its splendor and glory. “It was exhilarating,” I told Sestan. “Like a hidden world. Now that I know where it is – I’ll take you there – tomorrow?”
He nodded in approval at the photos. “Your work gets better all the time.” He knows it’s useless to scold me.
“Well, it helps when you have a subject like this… Its’ hard not to get a great shot.”
Supremely satisfied with myself, I reached for my glass. “We should try to …” I stopped. Something glinted and stirred in the bottom of my glass and caught my attention. through the swirl of soft bubbles, I peeked over the rim … “wha – Wait! what’s this?” I held the glass up eye-level. There before my disbelieving eyes was a starfish – no ordinary starfish mind you. This handsome specimen was a stunning diamond starfish - swimming in my glass! “No waayyyyyyyy, Sestan!! “ Talk about a serendipitous moment -- "Do I drink it or wear it?" I laughed. I fished it out of the glass -- and for a moment, I couldn't speak. Instead, I turned my back and said, "help me?"
He fastened the clasp - and gently turned me around so he could see it.
"What do you think? Do you like it? It's okay? Something to go with all those sarongs you're taking back home with you..." I struggled to say something more brilliant - than 'thank you, I love it' -- I circled my arms around his neck.
>“How do you do it?” I whispered, pulling back, staring into his dark eyes, – suddenly, fighting the urge to cry.
“You make it easy,” he answered. And somewhere, deep in my heart, he answered all the questions I EVER NEED TO KNOW. - Isa B.
p.s. We were all born with diamonds. It’s just a matter of how and when we find them :)))))))
>“How do you do it?” I whispered, pulling back, staring into his dark eyes, – suddenly, fighting the urge to cry.
“You make it easy,” he answered. And somewhere, deep in my heart, he answered all the questions I EVER NEED TO KNOW. - Isa B.
p.s. We were all born with diamonds. It’s just a matter of how and when we find them :)))))))
Hello Cleareyed!
Hello Cleareyed!
I hope you like the title of the blog!.....I know you are oing to have fun building it too!
xoxoxoxo :}
I hope you like the title of the blog!.....I know you are oing to have fun building it too!
xoxoxoxo :}
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